Leaving one city to conquer another sounds exciting in movies. In real life, it sounds like the worst mistake you can make. Working so hard just to be comfortable, then choosing to walk away from that comfort seems foolish. But it is precisely what I have done.
Pittsburgh. A city of growth. A city of loss. A city that challenged me every single day. Just breathing became a difficult task in a place that forced me to see the world for what it is. In Pittsburgh, I cried. I mourned death. I sat in my loneliness. I witnessed betrayal. I discovered the jealousy that was consuming my own heart. In Pittsburgh, for the first time, I saw the ugly. Life was not, in fact, a box of chocolates.
Pittsburgh was a mirror I had to look into in order to become a woman. I had to view reality. I had to sit in my disappointment. I had to grow in my endurance for the difficult. It is something I had to grow through. It was not the city itself, it was the isolation from everything familiar that brought about these changes. For me, living in Pittsburgh was tough. But necessary. And when I was finally beginning to find stability in life, God told me to leave.
So I did.
I moved back to Atlanta. From one city to another. Walking away from the little I managed to build in Pittsburgh. Watching my sandcastle get swept under the current. Now, I am loosening my grip and allowing the old to wash away. Now that I have come to terms with the failures and ugliness of life, it is time for me to build the good. We were all created in the image of perfection and we all possess everything required to construct something beautiful. And now, it’s time I discover what exactly I was designed to create.
It is scary to lose everything that defined me as an adult. But I rest in the assurance that God will restore everything I lost. This time, it will be aligned with His perfect plan. This time it will be independent of the opinions of others. This time, I realize my power. I recognize I am more than a conqueror. This time, I am not blindsided by the truth. I embrace it and I use it as something to propel me further.